A Brief Quote from Note-Book of Anton Chekhov and an entirely too vehement rant against the holidays
"Life does not agree with philosophy: there is no happiness which is not idleness and only the useless is pleasurable."
Also, I do not particularly care for Christmas, and I do not think that makes me a bad person. I don't work in retail, but I shop in retail, and even the few hours that I spend in public give me the blue meanies. I am, as you all know, a gracious and caring person for about ten months out of each year. The holiday season, however, it too much to take. The fault isn't mine, I assure you. The carols are annoying, shrill, and often incomprehensible. O. Tanenbaum sounds more like an entry in a phone book than an ode to a tree. I love gift giving and, even more, gift receiving, but the winter holidays are getting out of hand. In this post-9/11 world, I simply cannot stand another rendition of "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth." That is no one's favorite song. Kill it.
It is not that my shoes are too tight or that maybe my head isn't screwed on just right, and my heart is definitely exactly the right size. It's just these carols and lights--they so irk me that I want to scream horrific and invented invectives into the faces of every beaming child in every store in America.
Actually, I haven't seen any beaming children in the stores. They all look terribly unhappy to be dragged around by their parents through crowded malls as a horrific loop of Mariah Carey's slaughter of Christmas standards wails from hidden speakers. At Barnes & Noble, I witnessed a little girl (possibly named Austin Mackenzie Haydn Flurphlee) standing patiently as her mother crawled around on the floor muttering about M.C. Escher and whispering obscenities. It was grotesque and on most other days of the year, my delicate sensibilities would never have been subjected to such an vulgarity. I guess she was possessed by the holiday spirit and went into a trance.
I have puzzled and puzzled till my puzzler was sore, and I just don't understand this world. I wish that my environment would not change seasonally. I don't mean the leaves and all of that...just the stores. I need them to stay the same. I need them to not dramatically change their stock for holidays of any kind. I need them to not change their stock months in advance. Schnuck's already has Valentine's Day balloons, for chrissakes. I promise you, they will have deflated by February, even if I have to shoot ball bearings at them with my trusty slingshot.
I do not advocate an end to Christmas or to Halloween, just an end to public celebrations. Keep it all in the home, not outside of it or, horror of horrors, ON it. I just want everyone to chill out a little bit and remember the rest of the days of the year. Remember them and let the reality of life lull your celebratory little spirt into a quiet monotonous melancholy. Remember that every twinkling merry little light that you put up has to come down again, probably on a dismal, cold, and slush-filled day in the spring. Remember September 2nd, June 9th, and April 23rd--they suck and nothing happens. Remember that on December 26th, on February 15th, and July 5th, you'll be the same person that you were on the 24th, the 13th, and the 3rd.
At the very least, do your shopping in an orderly and timely manner. Online.
And turn off the damned music.
Also, I do not particularly care for Christmas, and I do not think that makes me a bad person. I don't work in retail, but I shop in retail, and even the few hours that I spend in public give me the blue meanies. I am, as you all know, a gracious and caring person for about ten months out of each year. The holiday season, however, it too much to take. The fault isn't mine, I assure you. The carols are annoying, shrill, and often incomprehensible. O. Tanenbaum sounds more like an entry in a phone book than an ode to a tree. I love gift giving and, even more, gift receiving, but the winter holidays are getting out of hand. In this post-9/11 world, I simply cannot stand another rendition of "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth." That is no one's favorite song. Kill it.
It is not that my shoes are too tight or that maybe my head isn't screwed on just right, and my heart is definitely exactly the right size. It's just these carols and lights--they so irk me that I want to scream horrific and invented invectives into the faces of every beaming child in every store in America.
Actually, I haven't seen any beaming children in the stores. They all look terribly unhappy to be dragged around by their parents through crowded malls as a horrific loop of Mariah Carey's slaughter of Christmas standards wails from hidden speakers. At Barnes & Noble, I witnessed a little girl (possibly named Austin Mackenzie Haydn Flurphlee) standing patiently as her mother crawled around on the floor muttering about M.C. Escher and whispering obscenities. It was grotesque and on most other days of the year, my delicate sensibilities would never have been subjected to such an vulgarity. I guess she was possessed by the holiday spirit and went into a trance.
I have puzzled and puzzled till my puzzler was sore, and I just don't understand this world. I wish that my environment would not change seasonally. I don't mean the leaves and all of that...just the stores. I need them to stay the same. I need them to not dramatically change their stock for holidays of any kind. I need them to not change their stock months in advance. Schnuck's already has Valentine's Day balloons, for chrissakes. I promise you, they will have deflated by February, even if I have to shoot ball bearings at them with my trusty slingshot.
I do not advocate an end to Christmas or to Halloween, just an end to public celebrations. Keep it all in the home, not outside of it or, horror of horrors, ON it. I just want everyone to chill out a little bit and remember the rest of the days of the year. Remember them and let the reality of life lull your celebratory little spirt into a quiet monotonous melancholy. Remember that every twinkling merry little light that you put up has to come down again, probably on a dismal, cold, and slush-filled day in the spring. Remember September 2nd, June 9th, and April 23rd--they suck and nothing happens. Remember that on December 26th, on February 15th, and July 5th, you'll be the same person that you were on the 24th, the 13th, and the 3rd.
At the very least, do your shopping in an orderly and timely manner. Online.
And turn off the damned music.
posted by jw at
1:26 AM
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