My First Pataphor

I am like a mighty collosus as I leap whole forests with a single bound. Hitting the ground, the Earth's crust pops and shatters beneath me, like ice on a pond in a spring thaw. The cracking sounds continue and water leaks through the fractured frozen layer. Jimmy, out for an afternoon of ice fishing, smiles in satisfaction and tosses his line through the break and into the cold, dark depths. He settles back on his stool and, as he begins the long wait for a bite, he wishes that he hadn't forgotten the thermos of hot coffee that Jenny had filled for him earlier that morning.

Also, you could buy this for me, but not YOU.