From The Dream of a Ridiculous Man by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"I've always been ridiculous, and I think I've known it from the day of my birth. Perhaps I became fully aware of it at the age of seven. I studied at school, then at the university, and the more I studied, the more I realized I was ridiculous. For me, in the final analysis, higher learning amounted to explaining and proving my ridiculousness. And in life it was the same as in my studies: every year I became more consious that I looked ridiculous in every respect. Everyone has always laughed at me, but no one has ever suspected that the one person in the world who knew just how ridiculous I was was none other than myself. And that was what hurt me more than anything. But then, I had only myself to blame: I was proud, and I never wanted to admit it to anyone. And my pride kept growing with the years. If I had admitted to anyone that I knew I was ridiculous, I believe I'd have shattered my skull with a bullet that very night."