Numbness

The tip of my right toe is numb. It's been numb for a long time and I've always been vaguely concerned about it, but never very concerned. It hasn't blackened or peeled or, god forbid, fallen off. It's just a little numb. I can kind of feel pressure on it and when I push my fingernail into it very hard, I can almost feel a little twinge, but, uh, mostly it's just numb.

Also, sometimes my back goes numb. Never the whole back and never even most of my back, but some of my back sometimes is numb. It's happened sometimes for a while now and I've frequently remarked upon it to people present during the numbness, but I've not sought medical treatment. I guess I am not too concerned because numbness isn't as worrisome as pain and it doesn't hurt.

The thing about numbness is it can be disturbing. You can't feel it; it's numb. It's like blindness--sensation blindness, or like a impenetrable shadow or like a hole in your consciousness. A hole you're conscious of, but cannot account for. I can feel the muscles at the edge of the numb portion of my back. I can feel them pulling and pushing and rolling around. I can reach my hand back and dip my fingers into the emptiness and feel that my back is, in fact, there. It is as solid as the rest of me. It's just that in my head it is missing and that shadowy gap in my awareness is almost visible it's so real. With my numb toe, it is really as though my body ends before it actually ends. I know where my toe is and I can bump it along things, but it always makes contact a fraction of an inch sooner than I think it will. My knowledge of my toe and its surroundings ends before the toe itself does. And only my right toe. My left toe is precisely where it ought to be and all sensation is normal.