What I Overheard a Chicago Cop Say Today

"Why did I become a cop? Free transportation, free gas--plus, my job is to go out on the highway and fuck with people! And nobody's gonna fuck with me back! I'm a cop!"

Also, remind me to tell you the joke that a different cop told me last month while I was eating tacos. It was enough to chill whatever is usually warm and peel things best left unpeeled.