Tragedy of the Highest Order

My fucking testicle feels like it's rotting inside me.
I am sitting here and I can feel irregular pains shooting from my right testicle into my lower abdomen. I'm trying to focus on what the professor is saying, but I forgot my glasses this morning and somehow even his words have an unfocused quality. Jesus Christ, my testicle hurts like hell. They've been tender for the last year and I keep feeling this lump on my left testicle, but I can never find it two days in a row and I suspect that it is just a vein. I assume it is just a vein. My professor was talking about themes of evil and retribution and all I could think about was my right testicle throbbing in my scrotum. This better not be karmic retribution for my life of evil. I despise coincidence.

God, they hurt like hell.

I opened and closed my eyes and rolled them back in my head and that fuzzy room never focused and my balls never stopped throbbing and I knew I was being asked a question, but who the hell can hear anthing over this fucking buzzing? God, I have a headache.

The fucking buzzing is affecting my eyes and this pain in my balls is like a bass drum with a murderous reverb that dampens any thoughts about anything except 'GODDAMN, my balls hurt!' and 'where the fuck are my glasses?'

I just wanted to pull my balls out and rub them and make sure that they were okay. I probably have cancer in my balls.

Probably.