Moskovskij Sbornik

"In a Democracy, the real rulers are the dexterous manipulators of votes, with their placemen, the mechanics who so skillfully operate the hidden springs which move the puppets in the arena of democratic elections. Men of this kind are ever ready with loud speeches lauding equality; in reality, they rule the people as any despot or military dictator might rule it. The extension of the right to participate in elections is regarded as progress and as the conquest of freedom by democratic theorists, who hold that the more numerous the participants in political rights, the greater is the probability that all will employ this right in the interests of the public welfare, and for the increase of the freedom of the people. Experience proves a very different thing."
-Konstantin Pobedonostsev

Dinner

This was better than it looks, and it looks good. kind of. My divinely inspired spaghetti sauce, baby spinach, & black olives.



By divinely inspired, I mean I start with the recipe that my father taught me. He developed it from a recipe his mother got from an honest-to-goodness eye-talian woman who lived next door to her in the forties. I took that delightful tradition and added jamaican pepper sauce, a ton of black pepper, double the amount of meat, and whatever the hell else was around. This can include dark roasted coffee, earl grey tea, yerba matte, hard apple cider, red wine, white wine, pale ale, and even Sprite.

But never again Sprite.

A serious geo-political discussion

The Berne Coat of Arms is a crazy fucking bear with crazy eyes and a wiggly tongue and a pointy red penis like a fucking claw.

Cool. Not for the she-bears, but you know that the motherfuckers down in Berne can seriously wreck some shit. If they ever take a notion, you know that they could just declare independence when-fucking-ever. They're hardcore. They don't even give a fuck.

Know why Palestine isn't a state yet? Because their flag is lame crap. Most flags, to be fair, are sad pieces of shit, but if you have a nationalist movement, you need something really badass. Like the fucking Basques are going all the fucking way to statehood because they have the cool shit. That eagle of theirs can and will rip the fuck out of Spain's weak shit, like anytime. Kurds? Not so much, but nice spikey yellow ball, kids. Chechnya? No, sorry, your flag is weak and Putin is a terrifying badass. You can't beat that ex-KGB sonovabitch. Québec? Don't make me laugh, you silly fucks. Canada's huge honking red maple leaf can whip the shit out of your fancy French crap any day.

End of fucking story, motherfuckers.

Inexplicable

My statement that Down Under by Men at Work is the best song ever, is, in retrospect, highly bizarre and certainly a sign of my deteriorating mind. I cannot even begin to explain myself. It's not even a very good song. Sure, it has some fun lyrics, but the music is really kind of annoying. The song is so annoying that the cover by Pennywise sounds good. Or better. I repeat, I cannot explain myself. You'd better run, you'd better take cover.

Also, it has been brought to my attention that I've taken to referring to many MANY different songs, movies, books, historical figures, & foods as "the best" or "awesome." I submit this to you as a further sign of my diminished reason.

Or maybe I just love everything and everyone.

Vote for Jeff!

Iraq:
I'd like to withdraw US troops from Afghanistan and Iraq by 2009, and possibly divide Iraq along ethnic lines into 3 largely autonomous regions, a la Joe Biden, with parliamentary representation and a state-run oil industry. Establish a firm relationship with the (necessarily secular) United States of Iraq (or whatever they're to be called) and exchange oil for a favorable trade agreement or technology.

Foreign Affairs:
I believe that ongoing wars and US involvement have caused instability across Middle East. I oppose any military conflict with Iran and I think NATO and the UN--not the United States--should be doing more in Darfur. The UN should have more financial aid from other member countries--countries should be taxed on a sliding scale to support the UN based on their GDP. Borders between Mexico, Canada, and the US should be relaxed, but incentives should be offered to companies to operate in the US. I support sanctions against Israel until human rights abuses stop; host increased peace-talks between Israel and Palestine to discuss creation of Palestinian state-within-a-state with comparable infrastructure to Israel. Address realities, not history or rights to the land. Fact is, two cultures live there and they need to get along. Not terribly unlike the situation in Ireland.

Homeland Security:
We should follow the 9/11 Commission blueprint to protect ports, chemical plants and railways. I believe failures during Hurricane Katrina highlight structural changes that need to be made at the department. I want to massively expand the Patriot Act until the federal government has a dossier on every voter and every dissident in these United States.

MUCH more money needs to be spent on domestic infrastructure.

Education:
End No Child Left Behind. I support better fiscal spending with more oversight to improve system. Open more schools and create grants that encourage top graduates of universities to enter the teaching profession as TFA does. Stop giving state funds to ineffective charter schools and end school voucher programs. Create a national pre-kindergarten system and begin foreign languages before kids are ten. Require a year of public service after high school. Make a public service project part of the university graduation requirement.

Energy:
I supports alternative energies as a means to reduce dependency on foreign oil and I suggest we invest in energy and climate change research. Do I look like an idiot?

Health:
I support non-profit, universal health care funded by increased taxes on tobacco, liquor, marijuana, other drugs, and fast food.

Immigration:
I favor a guest worker program, amnesty and giving current illegals a path toward citizenship. I believe that immigration is the life blood of this country and that harming it in any way will kill us all. At the same time, raise the national minimum wage to a living wage and encourage immigrants to open delicious and cheap restaurants near my apartment.

Social Security:
Social Security is failing, partially because it's being unfairly raided to fund other government programs. It needs to be protected and bolstered with favorable interest rates. Or so I hear.

Stem Cell Research:
I support embryonic stem-cell research. Why? Why the fuck not?

Same-Sex Marriage:
I support same-sex marriage. Like I always say, I don't recognize the state's right to recognize marriage one way or the other. All the state can do is recognize civil unions--and it ought to recognize any and all of them between consenting adults.

Abortion:
Pro-choice; fetuses don't have a lot of personality.

Gun Control:
Support gun show background checks. Support licenses for all handgun owners and a ban on assault weapons.

Drugs:
I support the legalization and regulation of most drugs and their taxation at comparable rates to tobacco and liquor. Drug taxes will pay for universal healthcare; people love drugs. Also tax fast food and processed food to subsidize a more nutritious national school lunch program.

Church-State:
End faith-based initiatives. Make schools and public buildings thoroughly secular. Remove this God character from the pledge of allegiance and our currency. As I said before, I support a legal distinction between marriage (as something created between two people and their religious community) and civil union (as something that is a state institution). Civil unions for everyone and marriage for whoever. Also, do courthouses need 'art?' No. Do they need 'symbols' lying all over the place? Again, no. Do away with the ten commandments sitting out all over the place. It's tacky.

You'd Better Take Cover.

This is, clearly, the best song ever.

Traveling in a fried-out combie
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous
She took me in and gave me breakfast
And she said,

"Do you come from a land down under?
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you'd better take cover."

Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich
And he said,

"I come from a land down under
Where beer does flow and men chunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you'd better take cover."

Lying in a den in Bombay
With a slack jaw, and not much to say
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of plenty?"
And he said,

"Oh! Do you come from a land down under?
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."

-MEN AT WORK

New Year's Dinner

Grilled chicken. Grilled Eggplant.
Fettuccine in a creamy pesto with roasted tomatoes.
Garlic bread.

All very ugly and only kind of delicious.